Sex Tips: Rough Sex Made Safe

Couples in search of sex tips to enliven their sex play often balk when the subject of rough sex is brought up. And there’s good reason to be a bit hesitant – few people like to run the risk of hurting, either physically or emotionally, someone close to them. Men, in particular, who practice good and protective penis care, may be a bit suspicious of rough sex. But when approached in the right spirit and with appropriate care, roughing it up a bit can be rewarding for many couples.

Define terms.

It’s crucial to realize that “rough sex” can mean different things to different people. One of the most basic sex tips is making sure that two people are coming from the same place when thinking about taking sex to a different level.

This is especially true when applied to exploring rough sex. If a partner says, “Why don’t we try getting a little rougher?” then the couple needs to determine what that means. Is it all about letting loose verbally – employing “dirty” language rather than the relatively clinical terms they may be using? Or maybe it’s about talking through some dirty scenarios, creating a role-playing situation that’s all in the imagination? Or are they suggesting restraints, toys or some other form of play involving physical objects?

Sometimes talking things out in too much detail can spoil the fun or make it no longer effective. But doing a basic check-in so that both partners are comfortable before embarking is a good idea for most couple.

Set up ground rules.

Probably the most important rule when getting rough is to have an agreed-upon signal that it’s time to stop. This is often called a “safe word,” although that frequently brings up images of heavy BDSM play. A safe word or some other signal is good to employ even when just doing some basic role playing. This gives peace of mind, so that if one partner is no longer enjoying the experience, they merely say the word and the activity ceases.

Beyond the safe word, couples may consider a time limit or certain areas where each is not willing to go.

Start small.

Usually it’s a good idea to start small when getting rough. Start off with nude wrestling, for example, before trying something more physical. If toys are to be employed, smaller or softer may be wise for beginners. A mild application of the hand rather than a paddle can let a participant know if spanking has appeal for them. Merely changing positions may be as rough as some couples want to take things.


One participant’s experience of the activity may be wildly favorable and they may therefore be surprised when the other participant views it negatively. Taking time after a rough sex tumble to talk it over and see what worked and what didn’t is necessary – and it’s crucial that participants are honest about their reactions. Incorporating rough sex into a couple’s lives can be liberating, but only if both want the same thing and are having their desires and needs met equally.

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